As Christians we hear and see this word connection used in a variety of ways. With God, our spouses, children, school, church, community, but how does this play out in our relationships?
Connection is protecting the people and things that we LOVE by creating trust, safety and a sense of belonging. How do we know if we are connected? What happens if disconnection occurs.
Of course our kids know we love them, right? After all, we sacrifice to send them to private school because we care about their education, we plan special trips, we provide for them, etc.
For most of our kids, they hear daily, “I love you!”
But what about when they come home with a poor grade, fight with their siblings, disrespect and dishonor us or even hurt others that we love? This is our opportunity to keep loving them, like our Heavenly Father does for us. He will never leave us nor forsake us- Hebrews 13:5
Healthy relationships truly are the most valuable, meaningful, and satisfying of human experiences (Silk, Keep Your Love On) This happens through connections. Here are 3 keys to connecting with our children.
Create family traditions and rituals for everyone to look forward to, such as Friday night pizza & movie night, ice skating on New Year’s Day (this is one of ours). Invite friends to join in and have fun together. We model what it is like to have a good time and enjoy one another.
During the week when everyone is headed in dramatically different directions, take some extra time at bedtime or in the morning to connect. Actively listen to our children when they are ready to talk, even if it is at our bedtime. When our kids are not ready to talk about themselves, we can talk with them about our day or by being present to them, in other words, “ showing up” to let them know they are valued by us and are worthy of our time.
Time in prayer is another way to connect. Families who pray together stay together. Regularly ask your kids how you can pray for them or for one of their friends. Naturally, disconnection happens when we live together but never spend any quality time together nor show love for one another.
God is Perfect! We are imperfect, make mistakes and even sin. As parents, one way to connect with our kids is to share our own struggles and weaknesses. Particularly, when it comes to our interactions with them. If we said something hurtful, expressed our anger inappropriately, or shut-down for a while, this creates disconnection. It is healthy to become vulnerable and brave and openly admit to others when we are wrong and to show them areas where God is working in our lives.
Confessing our wrongdoings and asking for forgiveness from them and from our Lord Jesus Christ models repentance. This brings healing and restoration to our relationships. And it sends a message on “how to clean up our messes when we make them.” We all mess up at times and rely on the Lord to be our strength!
Reaching our kids’ hearts is difficult and without the above 2 keys in place, maybe impossible. Once we believe that our kids are not purposely trying to “mess up,” then we are able to speak truth to them--the truth of what and who God says they are. By asking questions first and then PATIENTLY and QUIETING listening (yes, just listening………. not telling them what they need to do!) Proverbs 4:7 says, “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom and in all your wisdom get understanding.”
Invite questions from your kids about your own life and be willing to share. Have heart-to-heart conversations! Create a safe environment to disagree. Ask more questions and allow them to explore difficult issues with you. All the while loving them and staying present. Communication exposes what is going on inside the heart. Jesus said” out of the mouth the heart speaks.”