This week's Parenting 101 article is brought to you by our very own Mrs. Cross!  We are grateful for her wisdom, leadership, and her gift of writing.  Enjoy this article and you can check out the previous weeks HERE.

Parenting and God’s Plumb Line © 

By Terry Cross 

Weren’t you flabbergasted the first time your child looked you right in the eye and shouted, “NO!”? I was! I was appalled! I’d birthed a bundle of joy, lovingly fed and nurtured her, kept her warm and dry. What did she do? She turned on me! Totally disregarding our bond, she dug in her heels and refused to obey. Many times!  

Thus, I began the long process of “training my child in the way she should go.” Except I found my equation wasn’t panning out.  I was doing my part but she was still misbehaving. My punishments seemed only a kind of temporary fix, those behavior modifications which the world is so fond of touting. With those methods I thought I could make my child obey. And oh, how I tried, let me tell you. I was as consistent as I could be, tailoring consequences to the temperament of the child and the circumstances. And those were good practices. But there was something more. 

So, what do you do when discipline doesn’t work over the long haul? You’ve tried everything—twice! Reasoning, spanking, loss of privileges, time out, extra chores. It has not brought about the change you desired. It’s like there’s something deep in there that you just can’t reach. That thing has a hold on your lovely child, turning him/her into a tantruming, willful, or disrespectful kid. 

You are exactly right! There is something deep.  Some call it sin nature, the propensity to go astray. In Psalm 51 David admits, “Surely I was sinful at birth.” I remember wishing I could just surgically open up my kids and get to the heart of the matter. But I knew ultimately, only God could affect the heart. 

My parents’ sage advice from when I was a young adult was simple. “We may not have been able to get you to obey, but we were where you could find us, holding the plumb line.” 

Bible Gateway says that the plumb line is “a cord weighted with lead that is used in building to check that vertical structures are true. It is used symbolically to refer to the divine standard against which God, the builder of his people, tests and judges them. It also symbolizes the standards by which God will rebuild his people.” 

Aha! According to this definition, God sets the standard and is in charge of the rebuilding when that standard is not met.  

I recall how my parents made clear to me right and wrong. Putting others first, honoring God with time and money, being loyal and loving—these were good and right. By contrast, lying, putting others down, cheating, hoarding—these were wrong. And my parents modeled it: working for the community, opening our home to exchange students, volunteering as Sunday School teachers, and writing letters to encourage so many. By doing these, they created a picture of how lovely righteousness can be. 

Proverbs says without vision, the people perish. This tells me that just punishing our kids into submission is not the best long-term solution. Consequences still need to happen, don’t get me wrong—it helps our kids understand the boundaries of right and wrong, but in addition, we cast the vision of perfect righteousness before them. We show them faithfulness, hope, charity, self-control, joy. Not ours, heavens no! We’re too fallible. We instead show them Jesus. We teach them Jesus. We cling ourselves to Jesus (this one is key!). And we pray and trust. Then, if or when our children stray, we administer consequences and pray and trust some more, entreating Jesus to reveal that glorious plumb line to them. They will find their way back. He’ll be there to rebuild.